Friday, April 18, 2008

Love & possessiveness . . The 2 inseperables !


How fantastic it feels when we are with our love interests. . Isn’t it? It gives a heartfelt feeling when the boy/gal we love sits near us, looking in to our eyes, hand in hand and mind filled with affection to the brim. Feels like heaven, anyone would say. It is a great thing to get united with the one we love, forever.

But . .

Oh what’s this but for? Why is this ‘but’ suddenly popping across the eternal feeling flowing in, making it evanescent, when we started thinking about our loved ones?

This ‘but’ is something which, every pair faces. Every boy/gal faces this ‘but’ at least once in life, when they are in love.

Initially, it feels great to be loved /in love. Everything appears to be beautiful, serene, filled with life. The boy enjoys the company of the girl; the girl is sooo happy that she has got a companion. This is the initial state. Once the relationship moves further in to the serious note, there lies this big pit. Once they are through this pit, then everything goes fine for them. But if they fail to jump over this one, that’s it! The relationship crushes, and they part.

Now, I can hear you saying, ‘C’mon dude! Don’t keep on saying things like you are an adept in love. . Tell us first about what’s the problem you are talking, and what do you really mean. Get down to business, pal’. Yeah. I’m just gonna start telling about it.

There is one single word which can summarize everything I’m about to tell. ‘Possessiveness’. The plain meaning of this word is: “Having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another, especially in order to limit that person's relationships with others”.

Yes. Possessiveness plays a very important role in a relationship. Either the boy or the girl start to apply this on the other one, slowly as the relationship progresses to the serious part. Initially, when the love started, both enjoyed the company of the other, admiring how casual the other one is, how caring they are; how loving they can be & how grateful they are, to get the other person’s love. This is in the beginning. Then, slowly, as they become more ‘known’ to the other, slowly when one person is becoming more and more exposed to the other, this feeling of possessiveness starts to creep in, subtly.

It might start with any incident. The girl may have gone to attend the birthday party of a team mate in the work place; the boy might have gone to drop a fellow girl to her home late in the night; The girl may have casually mentioned to the boy about the other male friends she has; The boy may have introduced to the girl his other female friends; Anything!

If these incidents have happened in the beginning, or before they started to love each other, then that’s not a problem. Both the boy and girl know that the other one is casual and jovial. But, this becomes a bottleneck when their relationship progresses.

The boy may start asking the gal more about her boyfriends; the gal slowly puts questions to the boy about his female friends; the boy compares the gal to his other female friends and tells her how good they are, and she needs to develop certain things like them; the girl points out how good her male friends are & how lagging the boy is, when compared with them. All the traits which they enjoyed with each other initially become the bottlenecks they don’t like in each other now. Slowly the feeling of dejection creeps in to their minds.

Why is this so? Why does this happen? The probable answer might be that, by this time when they both are real close to each other, they begin to notice the other side of each other. The dark side, which was invisible to them till that point. They might have behaved in a good way till that time; but since the relationship moves to the serious phase, the other side might have naturally been exposed. This is very natural. But, once this happens, the feeling of insecurity creeps in to the mind of the girl, and the boy starts thinking about other options. This happens with almost 90 % of lovers. It happened to me also.

The one solution which I suggest, is that once this feeling comes in to the mind, be assured that the other person is your life partner, and it’s absolutely okay for them to have their own traits. I mean, till that time, they have it and suddenly they can’t dislodge them altogether. It needs time. Once you start thinking that the other one has certain traits which you don’t like, have an open heart talk with them. Mention clearly about the things which give you that feeling of contempt, and tell them you love them so much, and it’ll be good if they can outcast that particular trait, since it might affect the life you are gonna share, in the future. Gently help them in doing it. Or if you feel that you have to oust certain thing from you, get the help of the other.

Once the relationship crosses this point, then it becomes a success. It is at this point that most love stories collapse, and if this is taken in the right sense, then everything works out for you. Once this stage is crossed, then comes the real affection towards the other. This affection will never go away from our mind, trust me! The couple can live happily ever after!

I can’t but express my gratitude to a special girl in my life. I’ve made her to cry and feel bad about life, at a certain period. But, now she is mostly out of that patch, and has forgiven me and loves me even more. If she had gone out of my life at that time, then I’d’ve been a real goner! But she was considerate on me, and gave me time to correct my mistakes. As a result, I love her more and more now, with real affection. Thanx a lot, P r i n c e s s !

My heartfelt suggestion to all the lovers who happen to read this post:

It’s absolutely natural for people to have their own traits which might be seen as problems to others. Give them time, and make them understand how detrimental that can be, and then I’m sure they will oust it from them, out of the love they have towards you. Be open, be lovable and be forgiving.’

Best wishes !

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